22 October 2012

Tricks of the Mind: Thoughts on Derren Brown

Having recently had it recommended to me by a friend, I've been reading Derren Brown's Tricks of the Mind; I've had it for ages, but it's been gathering dust ever since I bought it as part of a "4 Books for £1" deal at a local charity shop, the kind of arrangement that exacts a higher toll on one's bookshelves than one's wallet. 

Brown's enthralling on the stuff he knows about, but unfortunately I had to wade through a feeble and derivative "why Christianity is rubbish" section before getting to the good stuff. The book proper, after the Preface, begins as follows:
"The Bible is not history. 
Coming to terms with this fact was a fiddly one for me, because I believed in God, Jesus and Satan (ish). And one aspect of believing in those things and meeting once a week with like-minded people is that you're never encouraged to really study the facts and challenge your own beliefs. I always imagined that challenging my beliefs might make them stronger."
That the Bible, crudely put, is not history, is hardly an earth-shaking statement. If Brown found it so, this probably reflects more on him than on the Bible, Christianity, or Judaism. While the Bible has a profound unity, it is also, in a somewhat banal sense, a library, and a library that contains all manner of literary forms and genres, only some of which claim to be relating what happened when, if that's what Brown means by 'history'.


This may have been Derren's experience; it certainly wasn't mine
I find it odd that Brown seems to think that Christians are never expected to study facts and challenge their beliefs; this certainly hasn't been my own experience, but it may be a fair reflection of Brown's own background, from which he seems to be generalising. Brown describes his religious background as follows: 
"Picture, if you require a good vomiting, a whole herd of us being encouraged to display the Pentecostal gift of 'talking in tongues' by a self-styled pastor, with the proviso that if we ceased babbling because we thought it silly then that was indeed the Devil telling us to stop. Envision, as a secondary emetic, me telling a non-Christian friend that I would pray for him, unaware of how unspeakably patronizing such an offer might sound. I would delight in being offended, and puff up with pride at being outspoken and principled. And this the result of a childhood indoctrination followed by years of circular belief to support it."

Brown, then, was a Pentecostal Evangelical in his late teens. Although I've never attended a specifically Pentecostal church, I used to go along to Manchester's main Evangelical Anglican one on Sunday evenings in order to get a serious handle on what my friends believed and why. One thing that I really got from attending there was a feeling of texture -- people believed all manner of things within the Christian matrix, and did so for all sorts of reasons. Some were incredibly curious, while others were incredibly credulous; some were deeply well-read, and some weren't well-read at all; some made a point of testing their faith by reading things and engaging with people who contradicted and opposed them, and others stayed in their own bubbles. 

I would be surprised if Brown's Pentecostal friends were radically different from my Evangelical ones in terms of their variety; indeed, it seems to me that such variety is typical for members of any belief group, given how I've seen the same range among Catholic and Atheist friends.


This looks like a man trying to rationalise a wish to walk away...
Brown, anyway, says that his road away from Christianity began when he saw a hypnotist while he was at university in the early 1990s -- he graduated from Bristol, where he'd studied law and German, in 1992. He describes how the hypnotist inspired him to find out more about mind control and other tricks, and to take up hypnotism himself, much to dismay of Christians friends, members of the university's Christian Union, and the congregation of the main student church in Bristol. This in turn led him to start wondering why people believe in the paranormal, which he says led him to ask certain questions...

Well, so he says. He also says that he'd not been to church with any regularity for a couple of years when he started down this road, which does rather lead one to think that he probably hadn't been all that serious about his faith before that point; indeed, it looks as though he must have stopped regular practice pretty soon after starting university, which makes this whole story look like a rationalisation after the fact. 

I mean, if he'd been as committed a Christian as he claims he'd been, why stop regular worship? It's not as if community isn't an important part of Christianity, after all. He was an Evangelical, remember; they tend not just to do Sunday worship, but also have house groups, and student Bible study groups, and debates, and talks, and all manner of things. It seems as though he'd never seriously engaged with any variety of Christianity as an adult, and had been drifting away from his faith long before he started dabbling in hypnotism and conjuring tricks.


A fair point, but not one he was unique in stumbling upon...
Still. He says that he started to think about the paranormal, and to read up on it, and says:
"What struck me about the people I knew who did believe in the paranormal was that they clearly had a circular belief system. Essentially, one believes X so strongly that all evidence that does not support X is ignored, and all events that fit in with X are noticed and amplified...  
The more I came up against this sort of thing, the more I became concerned that I, as a Christian, was falling into exactly the same trap. Was I not indulging the same sort of circular belief? Remembering prayers that had been answered, and forgetting those that weren't? Or deciding that they had been answered but in a less obvious way? What separated my belief from the equally firm convictions of my psychic friend, other than the fact that hers were less mainstream and therefore easier to poke fun at? Weren't we both guilty of the same comforting nonsense? Surely I was being a hypocrite. 
It's a question I still ask of intelligent Christians, because I would dearly like to hear a well-formed answer."
Confirmation bias is, of course, a huge problem, and it's a problem that goes rather beyond belief in God, the efficacy of prayer, and psychic healing. Far too often I've seen historians and others scholars cherry-pick their evidence, and Fern Elsdon-Baker's The Selfish Genius: How Richard Dawkins Rewrote Darwin's Legacy, which I've recently read, details the tendency of contemporary pop-science books to focus on evolution from a zoological angle, without considering the rather challenging discoveries from the fields of botany and microbiology. Lawyers, of course, cherry-pick all the time, because advocacy is a very different thing from honest scholarship, which requires us to account for all the facts, however inconvenient.

So yes, this is a problem, especially in connection with prayer. It's why I get uneasy when people talk of keeping prayer diaries, in which they record their prayers and how they were answered, and with experiments where large numbers of people try to pray away illnesses or nonsense like that. Petitionary prayer is just one type of prayer, and few serious Christians think it's as simple as "having our prayers answered". Christians are expected to do it, of course, but it seems that our doing so is more about bringing us into harmony with God -- "not my will but thine" -- than about bringing God into harmony with us; he's a person, after all, not a machine, and he works, as they say, in mysterious ways.

C.S. Lewis put it well in his 1959 essay 'The Efficacy of Prayer', saying "The very question 'Does prayer work?' puts us in the wrong frame of mind from the outset. 'Work': as if it were magic, or a machine—something that functions automatically."

It can seem lazy to bring up C.S. Lewis in these discussions, as Lewis, sadly, has almost become a cliche in the popular mind, but he is very popular in the Evangelical circles in which Brown once mixed, so I'd be curious to know whether Brown ever attempted to engage with his work. I'd be very surprised if he hadn't been confronted with it at some point. Lewis gave a lot of time to thinking about petitionary prayer, tackling it in a number of essays and perhaps most memorably in his posthumously-published Letters to Malcolm: Chiefly on Prayer. He might not provide Brown with the answers he'd want, but I'm pretty sure he'd at least reassure him that intelligent Christians do at least try to grapple honestly with this aspect of their faith.


One of the great Dawkbot Tropes...
Anyway, Brown says that in order to avoid this self-directed charge of hypocrisy, he decided he'd start looking at the outside evidence:
"It's actually rather straightforward to do this with Christianity, although the believer is not usually encouraged to do so by his peers or pastors. 
Not only is the believer encouraged not to question or challenge his faith, but, to use Richard Dawkins' apt expression, any rational inquiry is expected to 'tip-toe respectfully away' one religion enters the room. It is dangerous to question from within, and rude to question from without. We are allowed to question people about their politics or ethics and expect them to defend their beliefs, or at least hold their own in any other important matter by recourse to evidence, yet somehow on the massive subject of God and how he might have us behave, all rational discussion must stop the moment we hear 'I believe'."
This may have been Brown's experience, but it's certainly not been mine; time and again I've heard atheists challenging Christians about their faith, and I used to do so myself when I was an an atheist, before I grew out of such adolescent nonsense after doing a lot of reading, thinking, and arguing. 

This, frankly, is a Dawkinsesque trope, and one which I've simply never seen borne out by my own experience, whether as an atheist, a reluctant and uncommitted Catholic, or a convinced practicing one. I've asked loads of other Christians about this too, and like me they say it doesn't tally with their experiences at all. And it won't do to say that well, maybe Christians can be challenged, but other religions can't; I've attended pretty robust debates with Muslims and Jews too. 

There are times when it's inappropriate to challenge people about their beliefs -- at funerals, say -- but that's just good manners. In the main, this is something we can and do talk about. Indeed, there's a bit in 1 Peter which says that Christians should always be prepared to explain why they believe the things they do, and should be willing to do this with gentleness and reverence.

I suspect that Brown, like Professor Dawkins, has fallen victim to some confirmation bias himself on this one.

As for not questioning or challenging our faith, I think the old "test everything; hold to what is true" rather puts paid to that nonsense. This may have been Brown's experience, but it's rot to assume that this is the general rule. Look at Thomas's Summa Theologica; it grapples with pretty much every argument against religious belief that there is, and does so honestly and seriously. Yes, I know Richard Dawkins dismisses it on the basis of a handful of misrepresented pages, but it's pretty clear that Dawkins didn't understand those pages or read much beyond them. I'd call Dawkins' handling of Aquinas intellectually dishonest, but that'd be to do a disservice to dishonesty.


The heart of the matter...
After pausing to misrepresent the normal way in which religious believers in the Abrahamic tradition have always interpreted their texts, Brown eventually reaches the nub of his argument, saying:
"To me and my erstwhile fellow Christians, it all rested on whether or not Christ really came back from really being dead. If he was actually resurrected as it says in the Bible, then it's all true, regardless of what one thinks of Christians and their behaviour. If he didn't, then it's all nonsense, and Christianity is a delusion."
I think this is a bit simplistic, but yes, this is broadly right: "if Christ has not been raised, then our preaching is in vain and your faith is in vain," as Paul says. And as Timothy Radcliffe puts it, building on that, "if our faith is true, it is the most important thing in the world, and if it’s not true, why are we here?"

Brown says, rightly, that the burden of proof for this lies on the Christians who claim it, and that to their credit, Christians generally try to tackle this head on; he sketchily outlines a couple of arguments in favour of the Resurrection, saying that there are plenty more, but that all these arguments depend on our taking the New Testament stories as accounts of real events, and that there is a "vast amount of impartial biblical research" that shows that the Bible is not history. 

And it was at about this point that I decided that facepalming and headdesking were worthwhile practices, not least because the examples of arguments used by Brown relate, basically, to Jesus' tomb being empty, about which Michael Grant rightly says in Jesus: An Historian's Review of the Gospels: "But if we apply the same sort of criteria that we would apply to any other literary sources, then the evidence is firm and plausible enough to necessitate the conclusion that the tomb was indeed found empty."

This is the kind of area where honest and intelligent sceptics need to grapple with Raymond Brown's Death of the Messiah and perhaps even more importantly N.T. Wright's The Resurrection of the Son of God, which among other things demonstrates just how bizarre it was for a bunch of first-century Jewish fishermen to have gone around claiming that their friend had risen from the dead and was in fact God.



It all depend on looking at things properly...
So, going though Brown's claims sentence by sentence...
"We cannot value personal conviction when we are looking at to what extent the story stands up as fact. Such things must be put to one side; only evidence must be of interest."
Agreed. So when approaching the New Testament documents, and other roughly contemporaneous material, as historians we have to put aside our theological and philosophical preconceptions and convictions. If we start reading the texts in the assumption that Jesus was God -- or indeed that God certainly exists -- then we basically prejudge the texts to be accurate; likewise, if we start with the assumption that Jesus was not God -- or indeed that God doesn't exist, miracles don't happen, and there's nothing to the world other than matter and energy -- then we prejudge the evidence as inaccurate and false. 

Neither approach is honest or scholarly; given the scientific impossibility of proving the non-existence of God, the only intellectually honest starting position for a historian in looking at the Biblical texts is agnosticism. 

Of course, scholars should make up their minds, and will then do further work and interpret things in line with decisions they've made based on the evidence, but they should always be open to the possibility that they're wrong and be willing to revise their views in the light of new evidence or questions, arguments, and interpretations they'd never previously considered.


Oh! Schoolboy error!
"And the evidence shows very clearly that the stories of the New Testament were written in the first couple of hundred years after the historical Jesus died."
This is about as inaccurate as you're going to get. The stories of the New Testament, as Brown would describe then, can be found in developed forms in the four Gospels and Acts, as well as occasionally creedal statements and references to the Crucifixion and Resurrection in some Pauline letters. Said Pauline letters were written between 50 and the mid-60s AD, while it's recognised by all serious Biblical scholars that John, the last of the canonical Gospels to have been written, was complete by 100 AD; indeed, there's a fragment of it in Manchester's John Rylands Library which dates to about 125AD. 

Acts is likewise generally thought to have been written by the same date, for a variety of reasons. I happen to think it was probably written rather earlier than that, such that Luke and Acts were substantially as we have them by the mid-60s AD, but what's clear is that credible scholars see the New Testament narratives as First Century documents.

In other words, the stories of the New Testament were certainly written in the first seventy years after the historical Jesus died. They may even have been written, in some cases, in the first thirty to thirty-five years after the historical Jesus died. They were all written by 100 AD, and probably rather earlier. They were not written in 230 AD.


Another schoolboy error! Outrageous!
"These stories then continued to be edited and revised for political and social needs for much of the first millennium."
Sorry, but no, they didn't, Dan Brown fantasies aside. We have thousands of manuscripts -- whether intact, substantial, or merely fragmentary -- of the New Testament documents from the medieval and classical periods, and what's remarkable about them is how consistent they are. There are loads of minor differences, usually due to scribal error or abbreviations etc, but the textual critics have done quite a job with them. 

The New Testament documents, as we now have them, are almost certainly -- the odd punctuation mark aside -- as they would have been in the First Century, and that's not radically different from how they were when the Normans did their thing at Hastings.


Better, but still not quite true...
"Jesus was one of many teachers at a time of massive social upheaval and tension, and inasmuch as one can separate his words from those later put into his mouth, he taught a mix of a much-needed social vision ('The Kingdom of Heaven') and personal stoicism."
Personal stoicism? It makes very little sense to interpret Jesus as a Stoic, a Cynic, or an Epicurean; as John P. Meier keeps hammering home in A Marginal Jew, Jesus was Jewish, and his teaching needs to be understood in that context. Brown, tellingly, betrays no familiarity with this idea. 

At the back of the book, Brown says that he read Burton Mack's Who Wrote the New Testament? The Making of the Christian Myth, as a half-believer and finished with his belief in tatters, but this merely shows the need to read widely; Mack, who saw Jesus as pretty close to a Cynic, is very much on the fringes of New Testament scholarship in his conviction that Jesus is best understood as a kind of Hellenistic philosopher. 

As for social upheaval and tension, well, I wouldn't be so sure. The Roman senator and historian Tacitus, after all, in a potted summary of Judaean history, writes of first-century Judaea that, "In Tiberius' reign all was quiet" (Histories 5.9). Tiberius reigned from 14 to 37 AD, so was emperor during while Jesus was preaching and when he was executed. That's not to say that things weren't extremely messy before and after Tiberius' reign, but generally it seems that Jesus' lifetime was reasonably peaceful -- if not necessarily happy -- in his neck of the woods.


Serious conflation here, Derren
"After he died, and after the Kingdom of Heaven hadn't arrived, his followers formed communities that were persecuted or ridiculed; they needed stories and legends to inspire them and give them credence."
Brown's conflating stuff here, unfortunately. It is widely believed that early Christians expected the Kingdom of Heaven -- in an eschatological sense, rather than an ecclesiastical or Christological one -- to come fairly soon after the Resurrection, but it's clear that they didn't expect it to come immediately afterwards. Rather, they seem to have expected it to come within their own lifetimes, and only took to writing down the stories they told when it became clear that this might not be on the cards!

Sticking to the central story of Christianity -- the Crucifixion and Resurrection -- it's significant that the earliest New Testament book to have been written, 1 Thessalonians, which was written about 50AD, speaks of Jesus having been executed and raised to life, and also addresses the reality that Christians had died and that more would die before Jesus would come again. 

One of the key things we need to remember when reading the Pauline letters is that they were written for the benefit of people who were already Christians, and who were already familiar with the story of Jesus, so these references, within twenty years of the Crucifixion, shouldn't be understood as things Paul made up around 50AD. They were already believed.

Just as interesting is the passage at 1 Corinthians 15, where Paul says:
"For I delivered to you as of first importance what I also received, that Christ died for our sins in accordance with the scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day in accordance with the scriptures, and that he appeared to Cephas, then to the twelve. Then he appeared to more than five hundred brethren at one time, most of whom are still alive, though some have fallen asleep. Then he appeared to James, then to all the apostles. Last of all, as to one untimely born, he appeared also to me."
This passage, though written in the mid-50s, clearly reflects a rather earlier tradition; indeed, it's almost a truism among Biblical scholars that the first sentence here -- if not the second too -- is a creedal statement, that is, it was a statement of belief that Paul received in the mid-30s, when he himself became a Christian, having previously persecuted them.

In other words, if the early Christians made up this stuff, they did it very quickly, pretty much immediately after Jesus' death. And this, of course, invites the question of why they would have done such a thing. How do we explain the early Church, as testified to by Tacitus, Suetonius, Josephus, and others, if we're to dismiss the idea of the Resurrection?


So speaks a man who's clearly not read much ancient history
"So they created them: as was customary, words and actions that fitted present needs were put into the mouths and lives of historical figures and then read as history."
As was customary? Well, yes, this used to happen in ancient historical writing, but it took time: Livy put speeches into the mouths of Roman generals from hundreds of years before his day, speeches that probably tells us rather more about Augustan Rome than the Middle Republic, but this was centuries later, when said historical figures were shadows from the distant past; Herodotus had done the same thing, and it's clear that many of the taller tales he told had an aetiological purpose, a Kiplingesque function to explain things in his own day with reference to events long before he had lived; even speeches attributed by Tacitus to British chieftains decades earlier are clearly things he'd thought they would have said, poetic truths deployed artistically because he had no way of knowing what could have been said.

Not all ancient writers were like this, however, and it's ludicrous and flatly ahistorical to describe this sort of thing as 'customary': Thucydides and Polybius, for instance, make it clear that they tried to be as accurate as possible, especially with reference to things they could check. 

The Evangelists clearly had evangelistic rather than historical aims in writing their work, but they wrote close enough to the events they described to be able to check a fair amount of it, even if they weren't eyewitnesses to said events. Indeed, given that the earliest versions of the story of Jesus were extant in the immediate aftermath of his death, it's clear that there would have been been plenty of people around who could have criticised and contradicted any attempts to attribute words and deeds to Jesus fallaciously.

That's not to say that individual little details couldn't have been attributed to him, but the core structure facts of the story can hardly have been cooked up quickly, and we know they were in place in the mid-30s.


Myth-making takes time, that's the problem
"Inspiring figures were enormously bent, stretched and rewritten so that their 'lives' would fit what they had come to stand for."
Yes, this happened all the time in the ancient world, but again, it took time. It didn't happen quickly. This seems to be the main problem for Brown: he's convinced the Christian story took much longer to take form that it did, and given that he thinks it was developed over centuries, he's all too ready to believe that it was similar to, I dunno, Plutarch's Life of Lycurgus. This'd be a fair thing to think if the Gospels were late and consciously ahistorical texts like the Gnostic Gospels, but they were all written early, and clearly based on earlier -- and essentially stable -- traditions.


Communities, not committees, and in a traditional of oral teaching
"Although the Gospels are attributed to individuals, they were written largely by communities."
There's some truth to this; although the conventional attributions of the Gospels to their traditional authors can be dated to the early Second Century, it's clear that the Gospels arose within communities and surely reflected the cultures and concerns of those communities. This, however, is hardly grounds for discarding them as historically valueless.  

Michael Grant, to quote him again, says that, "Like Paul, the Evangelists depended to some extent upon eyewitnesses (or their children) and upon the handing down of tradition from person to person. For oral teaching, which required elaborate memorizing, was very highly developed among the Jews; and so the Gospels, too, were largely built up by oral transmission. As time went on the individual items of information (pericopae) which had thus been transmitted were moulded together into somewhat larger units for purposes of worship in the emerging churches."

We, of course, have no tradition of oral teaching, so it won't do to compare modern games of 'Chinese whispers' with ancient oral traditions. 

The different Gospels seem to have been written in different ways.

  • Mark is the most primitive, and seems in some sense to have been the simple combination of a passion narrative with an account of Jesus' teaching; it's very plausible that it arose almost naturally within a community, but given how there's no consensus on where that community might have been, it seems foolhardy to describe it as the product of one.
  • I strongly suspect that Matthew is an early Greek reworking of an Aramaic original, or at least a recomposition of Mark in light of other traditions some of which may have been in Aramaic and attributed to Matthew -- who if the text is trustworthy may well have been literate and competent at a form of shorthand -- but in any case, the mainstream scholarly position is that Matthew was written by a noneyewitness who depended on other sources, at least two of which were written; the vast majority of scholars believe that its author was a Jewish Christian, with most thinking he wrote in Syria, probably Antioch.
  • Luke is presented, along with Acts, as the work of an individual, and there is no good evidence to suggest otherwise. The author of Luke speaks of several others having written accounts of Jesus' life before him, and puts forward his work as a systematic synthesis of these; certainly, he seems to have drawn extensively on Mark and also at least two other sources.
  • John is something of a mystery, and its authorship has long puzzled people, with scholarship having varied over the years from seeing it as the work of a eyewitness to nothing of the sort, and seeing it as the most historical Gospel to the least historical one. Views vary wildly, with the one thing that's clear being that it's very different to the other three Gospels. It looks, on balance, to have arisen in a  different context to the other three Gospels, and to have been, ultimately, the work of two authors: one who wrote most of it, and then an editor from the same Christian community who added in a couple of extra passages, notably the conclusion. More than any of the other Gospels it can be described as the work of a community, but even then it was hardly the work of a committee; rather, it reflects the beliefs of the community in which it arose.



The core facts are remarkably stable, and there's no trace of them ever being otherwise
"Great and powerful stories were told, changed and rearranged over several generations."
Expressed in this way, this is massively simplistic. It seems, rather, that there were three stages in how the Gospels came to be composed: the earliest stage was that of simple memory, with people telling the stories based on what they'd seen or heard -- and we know this was happening in the mid-30s, when Paul met Peter etc; a stage when memories bedded down and were reflected upon, taking on colour with details being picked out based on the experiences and thoughts of the communities in which the tales were told; and finally a writing stage, where the traditions were shaped into written Gospels, which may in turn have been tweaked somewhat in light of the beliefs and experiences of the communities in which they arose.

This needn't have taken nearly as long as Brown seems to think; as I've said, I think there's a strong case for Mark and Luke being written by the mid-60s, with perhaps Matthew in the 70s and John by 90; in any case, scholarly orthodoxy has all four Gospels done and dusted by 100 AD. 

Luke clearly drew on Mark, but didn't rearrange the earlier Gospel so much as elaborate on it, adding to it somewhat. Matthew evidently drew on Mark too, and seems to have shared a second source, a collection of Jesus' sayings -- usually referred to as Q -- with Luke, probably rearranging his Q material somewhat in order to create five coherent sermons or discourses. Significantly, though, this isn't a manipulation of facts so much as an rearranging of sayings so as to give Jesus' teachings a more clear shape and to ease understanding. 

The basic structure facts stay the same across the Gospels. The Gospels may not be history, but they're historically invaluable. They're not just 'tales'.



It's not enough to know yourself; you must know your enemy too...
Brown says he has a layman's interest in this sort of scholarship, which is laudible if unconvincing; his understanding of this sort of stuff seems profoundly shallow, such that his atheism seems no more deeply-rooted than his faith had once been.  It seems to me, instead, as though he just swallows up things that support what he wants to believe.


His promotion of Richard Dawkins' ignorant The God Delusion as his favourite book, a "very important defence of atheism" which "systematically looks at every aspect of faith and 'proofs' of God's existence" is testimony to this, really. I happen to think Dawkins' book is important, simply because it's the highest profile modern rant against religion, and that as such it's good for Christians to read it, but that they shouldn't stop there; they should check what Dawkins says, and consider arguments against at every stage, just as they should with things they might be more inclined to believe.

As Mr Keating says in Dead Poets' Society, "When you read, don't just consider what the author thinks, consider what you think!"

My copy, for instance, has been read and reread, pondered and annotated to a point where the margins are blue with observations and cross-references. It is, frankly, an extraordinarily shoddy book, one that misrepresents Christianity and religious belief in general time and time again. Not that this is surprising: atheism, as Jonathan Sacks has said, deserves better than the New Atheists.

Like I've said, the bulk of Brown's book is fascinating. Well-written, informative, and witty, I'd definitely recommend it to anyone who wants to know about memory, suggestibility, unconscious communication, distraction, confirmation bias, and all manner of other wonderful things. It's just a shame it's marred by such an ignorant and misleading opening chapter.

17 October 2012

The Scourge of Abuse: Time to Face Facts

Exposure: The Other Side of Jimmy, shown on ITV last Wednesday, will have horrified those for whom Jimmy Savile was a broadcasting institution. 

The programme alleged that the DJ and presenter of such shows as Top of the Pops and Jim’ll Fix It, famous for his eccentric lifestyle and having raised more than £40million for charity, was a sexual predator who regularly abused girls in their early teens. 

Savile, who died last October aged 84, obviously cannot defend himself against these allegations, but the programme’s presenter, former detective Mark Williams-Thomas, made a compelling case, interviewing a succession of middle-aged women who described how they’d been assaulted by Savile in their youth, as well as people who had witnessed Savile’s behaviour. 

Childline founder Esther Rantzen, a onetime BBC colleague of Savile, looked distraught as she said that she had no doubt that the women who had come forward to tell their stories were telling the truth. Admitting that people had blocked their ears to gossip about Savile, whose charity work had given him an almost saintly status, she said “In a funny way we all colluded in this… we in some way colluded with him as a child abuser.” 

BBC cover-up 
Some have been quick to speak of a BBC cover-up, and of a code of honour among ‘luvvies’, but neither gloating nor point-scoring will undo the harm that Savile did or prevent further abuse by others. 

The reality is that Savile hid in plain sight; colleagues, journalists, and even fans chose to turn a blind eye to his behaviour. 

His 1974 autobiography, As It Happens, describes how in the 1950s he had told a female police officer that if an attractive runaway from a remand home were to come to his club, he would return her to the police but only after keeping her overnight first as his ‘reward’. He did just that, and boasted that the officer’s colleagues had to dissuade her from bringing charges against him. 

Denial 
How could anybody have ignored this? Did they dismiss it as a laddish tall tale? It may simply have been that they didn’t want to believe it. Denial, sadly, is all too often our default response when faced with the reality of abuse. Our own history shows this all too bleakly. 

In 1930, W.T. Cosgrave’s Cumann na nGaedheal government appointed a committee under William Carrigan K.C. to consider if the Criminal Law Amendment Acts of 1880 and 1885 should be amended. The most shocking of the committee’s findings, submitted the following year, was that: 
“…there was an alarming amount of sexual crime increasing yearly, a feature of which was the large number of criminal interference with girls and children from 16 years downwards, including many cases of children under 10 years.” 
The police estimated that under 15pc of such cases were prosecuted, as it was difficult to establish guilt and parents felt it would be better for their children if such cases were kept secret. 

The Department of Justice recommended against the report’s publication, and Cosgrave’s government fell without having decided what to do; de Valera’s Fianna Fáil government set up an all-party committee to consider in confidence how to respond to the report’s findings, but nothing was done. 

It would be easy to dismiss the suppression of the Carrigan Report as emblematic of a less enlightened age, but things have scarcely improved over the last 80 years. Nowadays we don’t hide the truth; we just ignore it. 

In 2002 the Royal College of Surgeons in Ireland and the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre published the findings of a massive study on sexual abuse and violence in Ireland. The SAVI Report found, among other things, that 27pc of Irish adults had been sexually abused as children, with half of these having never told anybody of their experiences. Of Ireland’s more than 780,000 adult survivors of childhood abuse, it seems that roughly 530,000 had experienced contact sexual abuse, about 120,000 having been raped. 

Family Circle 
SAVI also found that nearly 60pc of abuse survivors had been abused by people within the family circle including extended family, neighbours, and family friends, 4.6pc having been abused by their babysitters. Just under 1.7pc of abuse was committed by clergy, with a further 1.7pc by teachers who were members of religious orders. 

For every victim whose abuser had been convicted for their crimes, about 200 had never seen justice done. Almost two-thirds of abuse survivors had been abused while under twelve years old. 

So damning a report ought to have defined our national understanding of abuse, and shaped public policy for dealing with it, but instead SAVI’s impact has been negligible, Ireland’s media and politicians having averted their eyes from its findings. 

The current government has made loud noises about protecting children, but its actions have resembled those of generals fighting the last war. Much of the Children First Bill concentrates on abuse within organisations, when it seems that organisational abuse, while not a thing of the past, has already been greatly reduced. 

People generally recognise that most abuse takes place within the family circle, but few realise that relatively little contemporary abuse takes place elsewhere. In 2009 the Irish Times quoted a Garda Detective Sergeant fighting internet paedophiles with Interpol as saying that 85pc of child sexual abuse occurs within the family circle, and the Rape Crisis Network of Ireland revealed that 97pc of abuse survivors who had sought their help the previous year had been abused by people within their family circle. 

As much as a third of Ireland’s sexual abuse is committed by adolescents, but our popular narrative of abuse remains focused on the bogeyman figure of the ‘paedophile priest’, rather than on the teenage boy. 

People would rather believe that abusers are ‘out there’ rather than very close to home. Last September, Father Paddy Banville wrote in this paper that the problems of abuse and cover-up in the Irish Church reflected the problems of abuse and cover-up in Irish society; the ensuing furore was, in the words of the Irish Times critic at the time of the 1907 Playboy Riots, “as if a mirror were held up to our faces and we found ourselves hideous. We fear to face the thing.” 

It’s clear that people rationalise abusive behaviour,  believe that it’ll not happen again, play down the damage that was done, and say that whatever their loved ones may have done, they’re still their brothers, husbands, sons, or friends. Mercy, hope, loyalty, and trust conspire to drive our eyes from the crimes of those we love. 

We need to acknowledge this if we’re to have any hope of eradicating the scourge of abuse from Irish life. Addressing it in the Church has just been the beginning. It’s time to face facts. 


-- A version of this was originally published in The Irish Catholic, 11 October 2012.

08 October 2012

Trivial Pursuit...

I’ve always liked my brother’s self-indulgent 101 facts about himself, and while looking for something earlier I thought it might be fun to bump up an old Facebook note -- one of those meme things -- into a blogpost. That said, it’s probably a post for me and masochists only.

And so, in emulation, here goes...


1. When I was a child I wanted to join the Household Cavalry, which can’t have been normal in 1980s Dublin. The Life Guards, to be precise. Part of me still wishes I could. Let’s face it: they look like knights, don’t they?

2. Mikhael Gorbachev once rubbed off me. Not in an inappropriate way, just while he was trying to get to his seat at Hampton Court Palace. He was clearly keen on hearing what Salman Rushdie and Quincy Jones had to say.

3. My first night on mainland Europe was spent in a twelfth-century castle overlooking the Rhine. I went back there on my third trip to Germany. The hundreds of steps up the hill seemed far less arduous as an adult.

4. Despite a weakness for toffee, caramel, millionaire shortbread, cheesecake, and Black Forest gateau (especially if made with morello cherries), I maintain that I do not have a sweet tooth. I do, however, have a freakishly long tongue. People stare when I unleash it. I’m never sure if they’re horrified, impressed, or intrigued.

5. Once, on Ash Wednesday, I was given ashes in the shape of the Batman symbol. I suspect this was not intentional.


6. Years ago I discovered a letter written by Thomas Hardy while rummaging in an old copy of his collected poems. I’m still not a fan of his books, though. Realism is one thing, but pessimism on that scale? The glass might be half empty, but at least there’s a glass, Tom.


7. After a day spent wandering about Krakow, going as far out as the camp in Schindler’s List, I was taught to dance the Macarena by Mexicans in a supposedly Irish bar where we drank 12 per cent strength beer until four in the morning; a few hours later I received the results of my final exams, learning that I’d topped my year for a third time running, and visited Auschwitz. It was an eventful 24 hours.

8. One hot summer day in Athens, I gave inaccurate directions to a flustered Dylan Moran and his family. Realising I’d sent them the wrong way I tracked them down and gave them proper directions to the street he wanted to go to. At no point did I indicate I had any idea who he was. I hope he appreciated that.

I later discovered that the museum he wanted to visit was on a different street, and was closed till September.

9. I once ended a statistics lecture by banging my desk, tearing off my jumper to reveal a lumberjack shirt, and singing Monty Python’s ‘Lumberjack Song’ to 300 bemused Commerce students.

10. The longest I have gone without a haircut was eight months. I shall try to refrain from repeating that error.

11. I once cut my own hair, just a couple of weeks before I sprained my wrist jumping off a roof; that was clearly a troubling summer for my parents. The hair cut was not a great success.

12. On the way to a wedding in the Lake District some years back, I was delayed for an hour on a train because workmen the previous night had conducted work on the line and forgotten to replace the tracks. I doubt I shall ever hear a better excuse.

13. I’m not much of a man for water, favouring tea in a big way, but I drank six litres of the stuff in under an hour when I climbed Masada at noon. There’s a reason why the Israeli army only go up it in the early hours, but I had a bus schedule to work around.

14. A comic strip drawn by me for my school magazine when I was fourteen was censored; one drawn for it when I was fifteen led to the school magazine being banned and never revived. The following year we had a yearbook, and the strip I drew for that, two pages of which you can see here, was – perhaps wisely – never published.
I appear to have drawn Brian Cowan in the final panel. And Roger Mellie.
15. I spent several years wanting to be a comic artist, and when Bryan Talbot and Steve Pugh looked at my work they told me I’d definitely make it if I kept at it. I’ve hardly drawn since.

16. I caught a burglar in the early hours of Easter Sunday, 2006. A Ryanair flight I was on arrived in Liverpool a few minutes early, and my luggage was first out; this enabled me to catch the Manchester bus an hour earlier than I had planned so that got home an hour ahead of schedule; being in the right place at the right time led to the burglar’s capture. The City of Manchester thanked me for this. The institution where the burglar had been operating did not. Quite the opposite, in fact.

17. My command of my ancestral tongue leaves a lot to be desired, but I prefer my name in its Irish form.

18. I read vast quantities of Enid Blyton books as a child, including all the 'Famous Five' books. Despite this, I never knew what smugglers were. Too lazy to use a dictionary, I always trusted that the meaning would become clear. It didn’t. They were obviously bad guys, though. Like thugs. And ruffians.

19. I only ever had one organised fight in school, fought to establish definitively who had won an impromptu fight the previous year. The outcome of the arranged fight was itself disputed. This episode clearly haunts me even now.

20. The Irish Independent once quoted me as a cultural authority, accusing Brian McFadden of jumping onto a ‘cool bandwagon of pain’. He was, too. It was to be a long time before the Irish Times quoted me, and then it was under my pseudonym. That said, I’d had a letter in the paper a few weeks earlier, under my real name.

21. I have fallen asleep standing up on at least three occasions, and have fallen asleep mid-sentence at least once.

22. The furthest north I have been is Dalmally, in Scotland, where I celebrated the Easter Vigil with one of my closest friends in 2011. On arrival there I quipped to her that this would be the first time in ages that I’d be at Mass and not be asked to do something; walking in the door we were promptly asked to bring up the bread and wine at the Offertory.

23. The country I’ve been closest to without setting foot in it was the Lebanon. I was a passenger in a Syrian taxi on a road that ran within two miles of the border; my driver was unable to use his rear-view mirror as he’d clipped a small television screen over it.

24. As a teenager I didn’t believe in God, but rather than saying so would dutifully disappear for an hour every Sunday, often spending the time daydreaming in the back of the church, walking around the neighbourhood, skiving in a snooker hall, or chatting with mates in a ruined pre-Norman church. I didn’t see any virtue in distressing my parents by kicking up a fuss. Converted as an adult by reading a lot, thinking very carefully, and engaging with a succession of Atheists, Agnostics, and Anglicans, I have prayed at the tombs of St Francis of Assisi, St Peter, St Paul, and Our Lord.

25. I have an unhealthy weakness for secondhand bookshops, where my greatest finds have been an 1895 leatherbound and gilt-edged collected Chaucer, a collection of GK Chesterton’s poems once owned by and still bearing the name of a teenage Eavan Boland, and a volume of Chesterton essays signed by the man himself.

26. I am still disappointed I never managed to meet Patrick Leigh Fermor before he died.

27. I have twice attended receptions in ambassador’s houses, and have been disappointed by a distinct absence of Ferrero Rocher on both occasions. At the first reception I was greeted at the door by Benazir Bhutto and spoke briefly to Olivia de Havilland; at the second reception, my host informed the ambassador that she was spoiling us.

28. When using my parents’ exercise bike I used to read while listening to the radio. I still feel this was impressive multitasking on my part; I must see if I can still do this.

29. I’ve twice attempted to visit an improbable battlefield, located on a Greek mountaintop. The first time, after I’d explained the nature of the route to my archaeological friend who was driving us, he stared and said “So we’re going to follow an impassable road to the possible site of a badly-described battle which may not have happened.”

We didn’t make it there, though we did manage to damage our already unreliable rental car in the process.


Three years later we made it to the top only to be chased down the hill by dogs.

30. I once played a clockwork mouse in a primary school play; the following year, in a clear attempt at preventing similar malarkey, I wrote the scene performed by my class, insisting on special effects and incidental music. Grieg, since you asked. The dragon’s head built at my request became a standard feature of school plays there for years afterwards, it being the only purpose-built prop they had. It was customised more than once.

31. I have narrowly avoided colliding with Seamus Heaney and Dara O’Briain when turning corners in Dublin; I wasn’t quick enough to avoid colliding with PJ Mara one night on Waterloo Road. He dropped his phone. It should be noted that he wasn’t quick enough to avoid colliding with me either.

32.  My most treasured possessions are an Edwardian swordstick, a policeman’s cape, a medieval human skull, a Carthaginian coin, a bullet and a shrapnel ball from the Great War, a fossilised trilobite, a painting of Dublin Bay, a linoprint of Brighton’s West Pier, two signed pages of original Sandman artwork, and the aforementioned collection of essays signed by G.K. Chesterton.

Some treasured trinkets
33. I would like to see every Vermeer in the world, and think this is a manageable ambition, there being only three dozen or so all told. I’ve seen five since deciding I wanted to do this. I think I’d seen eight others over the years in Amsterdam, Frankfurt, Paris, and Edinburgh but feel they need seeing afresh.

34. I was a very aggressive defensive end when I played American football as a twelve-year old, perhaps a bit too aggressive, even; I wasn’t picked for the Nerf flag football ad a few of my mates were in!

35. I have spent long journeys working out detailed advertising campaigns for Sure anti-perspirant, Werthers Originals, and Erdinger. Only the Sure one would ever stand a chance of seeing the light of day, the others lacking a certain historico-political sensitivity.

36. Over the years I have given four Claddagh rings, two of silver with little stones in, and two plain ones of white gold, all were as twenty-first birthday presents for very dear friends.

37. The furthest I’ve ever cycled in a day was 97 miles, going to Glendalough via Blessington and through the Wicklow Gap, and coming back by way of Bray and the centre of Dublin. That was my second cycle trip to Glendalough that summer, the first time having been via the Liffey Valley and the Sally Gap.

38. While driving back to Rome from Cannae, when making a BBC documentary in Italy, I used the line ‘After Cannae, Hannibal thought his plan was really coming together.’ It didn’t make the final cut.

39. Two childhood friends of mine and I once failed to dam a stream with rocks, but on finding a slab of lard in the stream dammed it successfully using the lard as mortar. Don’t ask what the lard was doing in the stream. Really, you don’t want to know.

40. The strangest thing I have eaten was a lamb’s brain. It was delicious.


41. The most unpleasant thing I have ever eaten was tripe boiled in milk with potatoes and onion. I’ve had tripe since, though, in Rome, and would have it cooked that way again. I might not pick it from a menu, but I’d eat it.

42. A resolute defender when playing football at school, I once volleyed a tennis ball the entire length of what counted as a football field for us. And scored. It was my only ever goal.

43. My first paid job was working at the Irish Open. I spent four days in a little hut, reading books, listening to a crackly walkie-talkie, peering through binoculars to see what other leaderboard operators had heard through the crackles, changing scores, and being shouted at by golfers because I was using a walkie-talkie. The entire experience thoroughly inoculated me against golf.

44. The two girls with whom I’ve been taken for the longest periods in my life shared a birthday, albeit a few years apart. Those who know me very well may be surprised to learn that only the latter of these was a redhead.

45. I may have been the only person in Palmerstown not to boast of having seen Julia Roberts when she hid out from the world press there. I did, however, see her when she returned a few years later.

46. Ever since I was a little boy, there have been four places I’ve wanted to visit more than anywhere else in the world: I visited Petra in 2000 and Krak des Chevaliers in 2010. I fear I’ll never visit Machu Picchu or Angkor.
Before going to find the Holy Grail
Oblivious to the tarantula sitting across the table from me
That said, maybe in 2020 and 2030...

47. The furthest south I have ever been is Aqaba, crossing into Jordan and leaving it. I’ve still not seen the town properly, and half wonder if the guns are still there, facing out to sea.

48. In September 1998 I dreamed that Akira Kurosawa died, and the following day he did. It has been pointed out to me that he was both rather old and very famous, and so there’s a good chance that on any given day somebody in the world was dreaming of his death. I've seen ten of his films in the cinema – more than by any other director – and my favourite film is still Seven Samurai: it’s elegiac, beautiful, exciting, funny, tragic, instructive, and thoughtful, without a wasted shot.

49. I have seen at least 281 films in the cinema, and have fallen asleep during at least eight of them: The Madness of King George, Three Colours Blue, Pulp Fiction, Seven, Shine, The Phantom Menace, The Empire Strikes Back, and The Two Towers. There was a fire in the Lighthouse when I went to see Farewell My Concubine. I still don’t know how it ends.

50. I once went to a very small theatre with a girl with whom I’d gone out the previous year, and was startled when one of the male leads stripped off in the second half and strutted about in front of us for several minutes. We did not speak of this until several weeks later. When I returned from the play and told the mutual friend with whom I was staying what had happened, she asked whether my ex had blushed during this. I didn’t know, I said; I had been too embarrassed to look.

51. The most disgusting experience I’ve ever had was when I stepped in the carcass of a dead dog. In my defence, it was a dark night. I only wish I hadn’t been wearing sandals.

52. Over the course of four trips to Greece I have sprained both ankles, smashed my head off a tree, been abandoned by a taxi driver after midnight, walked into a cloud of tear gas, watched a cockroach land on a friend during dinner, narrowly avoided two lethal motorbike accidents, and, as mentioned, stood in a dead dog. There is a reason why friends of mine use the term 'Greece Wins Again' when bad things happen there.

53. I have long joked about giving a pseudo-academic paper on the interlinked phenomena of GWAs, en taxei, and Hellenisation, drawing almost all examples from Greek myth and ancient history. Worried that I might upset Greek friends, I have resisted this temptation.

54. In a Paris park I bumped into a girl I knew from college, and a year and a half later in Killarney I met a customer I knew from work. Both these events seemed unusual at the time, but since then I’ve made a habit of such encounters, with me meeting so great a succession of friends and friends of friends in such diverse spots as London, Athens, Damascus, and Gallipoli that I’m now almost surprised when I don’t meet somebody I know, to a greater or lesser degree. The world can be a very small place.

55. The longest letter I have ever written ran to 236 pages. I got carried away.

56. My favourite song is ‘A Rainy Night in Soho’, and I was oddly pleased when, the only time I’ve seen the Pogues live, Shane messed it up. Drunk as he was, he sang the last verse too early in the song, and so wound up returning to it, treating it as a chorus. Has there ever been so fine a compliment as ‘You’re the measure of my dreams’?

57. I sat my university finals when I was twenty. Had I stayed the course as a teenage Commerce student, I’d have done so at nineteen. This strikes me as worryingly young. Life would have been rather different had I done that, of course.

58. I have spent two summers working on archaeological digs, both in the field and in the lab. On my first day on site I discovered an early Christian grave in a Hellenistic artillery tower, when I picked up a tiny shard and recognised it as a fragment of human cranium.

This was my first day on the dig. The weather improved. A lot.
59. People tend to think of me as well-travelled, but I’ve yet to spend even one night in fifteen of Ireland’s thirty-two traditional counties, and I’ve never so much as set foot in Antrim or Fermanagh.

60. I can’t help feeling a bit jealous of people who’ve been to Skellig Michael, Dun Aengus, and the Giant’s Causeway. That said, I realise that rather than being jealous, I should just figure out a way of going there.

61. The first time I was on television was during a documentary about the Phoenix Park: I was a little boy, sitting on the steps on the Wellington Monument, and the camera swept over me as I got up.

62. The first time I said a word on television, I was a talking head in a documentary about Hannibal. On the way to the studio in Ealing, both of my shoelaces broke. It was a troublesome walk.

63. I have twice seen pigeons getting the Tube in London. On both occasions I’ve had a camera handy.


64. Columns by Con Houlihan, clipped for me from the Evening Press by my father, taught me the importance of the Oxford comma. I get annoyed when people don’t use it.

65. Until I was twenty-one, I had never flown anywhere.

66. I was briefly nicknamed ‘Zanussi’ in school, having got 98pc in my Inter Cert science mock exam; Zanussi, lest you’ve forgotten, billed itself as ‘the Appliance of Science’. 

67. Some years ago, when picking up a friend’s husband from work at CERN, I asked what exactly he did, and whether he just sat round drinking tea and bouncing particles all day long. He laughed, and said he’d show me, taking me into the bowels of the earth to see the Large Electron-Positron Collider. Its control room looked like a hybrid of Homer Simpson’s office and the bridge of the original Enterprise.

68. I used to know all the words to ‘... Baby One More Time’. In German. Now I remember little more than the title: ‘Schlag Mich, Liebling, Noch Einmal’.

69. I used to go out with a girl who lived a couple of miles from the site of the Battle of Hastings; her grandparents lived on the site of the Battle of Edge Hill. Over the years I’ve visited the probable sites of the battles of the Ticinus, the Trebbia, Lake Trasimene, Cannae, Pylos, Mantinea, Plataea, Leuctra, Coronea, Chaeronea, Thermopylae, Marathon, Thyrea, Ypres, and Gallipoli. As you do.

70. I have, I think, 2824 books. Despite storage problems, this isn’t really that many – two thousand, after all, is the minimum anyone should have if they want to be taken seriously, though hardly something to be proud of. No, I’ve not read them all. I’ve read the vast majority of them, but not all. Give me time. 

71. Well over six hundred of my books are novels, and of those my favourite is The Man Who Was Thursday. If you’ve not read it, you should rectify that. My favourite edition, annoyingly, is out of print, but you can read most of the introduction here; if you’re tempted, then ABE and Amazon Marketplace may yet be your friends.

72. When I was a little boy I read most of Robinson Crusoe, but stopped a few pages from the end. As far as I’m concerned he’s still on that island.

73. The first time I went to a football match, it was to see Everton draw with Liverpool on Good Friday 2000. We scored a perfectly good – if impossibly flukey – goal with twenty seconds left on the clock, and the ref disallowed it, saying he’d blown the whistle, whereas he was clearly scared of a riot if the goal was allowed. Years later he admitted he’d been wrong. This, I’ve learned in the intervening years, is typical.

74. The furthest east I have ever been is Palmyra, where I hurried up a hill to watch the sun set and got up absurdly early to return to the same hill to see it rise, and watch the dawn light over the ruins.

Sunset over Palmyra
And Palmyra in the light of the rising sun - worth getting up for!
75. I was unreasonably excited to see my name in the acknowledgements of Jess Nevin’s Impossible Territories. I had written eight blogposts on Moore and O’Neill’s Black Dossier and thrown the encyclopaedic Jess a few lines, so I shouldn’t have been surprised, but still. That said, I’ve yet to buy Jess’s book.

76. The first time I walked across a guarded border, there was a bomb scare; the second time I crossed over nervously, as I could overhear a furious man shouting in Arabic behind me, trying to persuade the soldiers there to stop me. I’ll tell you about it another time.

77. Somehow I’ve accumulated an absurd number of anecdotes as the years have gone by. I tend to forget which I’ve told, so have a habit of resorting to a rather small repertoire. The longest tale I tell I refer to as ‘The Paris Incident’, but I don’t think I’ve ever told it from egg to apple more than twenty times all told. It’s very good, but it’s a bit long for casual deployment.

78. I have played ‘... Baby One More Time’ on the ukulele. Sadly, it was a brief intensive lesson, and it’s not stuck, not least because I no longer have the tabs. Now I can barely manage ‘Twinkle Twinkle Little Star’.

79. David Kelly and William Sessions have both sat beside me on buses. Not at once, I should point out. I talked more with the former FBI head; he recommended an interesting book to me.

80. I have attended Mass in at least 75 places, and heard it in nine languages, including Arabic and Czech.

81. I was a year into my research master’s before I realised that there was a general consensus that I was attempting something that couldn’t be done. Since my book’s publication, I think at least half a dozen other academics have done the same thing I did. Sometimes it pays off for fools to rush in where angels fear to tread. I'm not convinced I write ‘from an upper middle-class status’, though.

82. Whenever I see streams of bunting I think of underwear. I found the Jubilee very difficult.

83. Despite what the Oracle of Bacon thinks, I have a Bacon Rating of 3. The man who did the voiceover in my first Hannibal documentary, perhaps best known for playing Felix Leiter in the new Casino Royale, has a Bacon Rating of 2, having been in D-Tox with Rance Howard, who was in Frost/Nixon with Kevin Bacon. I reckon that gives me a 3.

84. A few years back, police asked if I could identify a murder victim from a photograph of his corpse. I couldn’t.

85. When playing Cluedo as a child I once had to accuse myself of committing murder. I found this so funny that I doubled over laughing and accidentally stabbed myself with my pencil. 

86. I have never travelled more frantically than in Malta, where in the space of thirteen hours I went on five bus journeys, hired three taxis, got the ferry twice, and hitch-hiked. It was exhausting, but it was worth it.

87. I’ve dabbled in karate and aikido over the years, but didn’t last with either; aikido, though wonderful, seemed less necessary than catching up on sleep, which could be done by retiring to the library and using a big old law book as a pillow. 

88. I have crossed a picket line, but only because the people on strike advised me to do so. It wasn’t a pleasant experience.

89. I once stayed awake for four full days. I’m never doing that again.

90. Much as I loved Batman, Robin Hood, and the Knights of the Round Table, my childhood hero was indisputably Johnny Alpha. I copied the cover to 2000AD prog 339 innumerable times, like Simon Pegg’s character in Spaced I shed a tear when Johnny died, and the words ‘because I hate you’ still send a shiver down my spine.


I’ve a page of 'Strontium Dog' original art put away at home. I’ve never been able to afford the cost of framing it.

91. I once tried to play Gaelic football. Soloing was beyond me. It’s best not to talk about it.

92. I don’t think I have ever been further west than Kerry. I’m not sure, as I can’t remember where exactly in Kerry I’ve been, and there’s a chance that I may have been further west on one of my trips to the Mullet in Mayo. I’ll have to find out.

I don't know where this is. Other than Kerry, obviously.
93. Aside from a handful of books, the only things I’ve kept since my childhood are a box of dominoes from the Soviet Union which I bought for £1.75 when I was eleven or so, and a wooden cigar box I once found and filled with foreign coins. I’ve still got the coins, though I'll leave the story of how I got them for another day. It’s an unsystematic collection.

94. There are lots of ways of dividing people up, but for me the one that rings most true and tallies most deeply with experience and observation is that there are two types of people: those who are dogmatic and know it, and those who are dogmatic and don’t.

95. During the darkest month of my adult life, the happiest moments were spent on my birthday, standing under a tree while the rain poured down.

96. When at twelve years old I first read Douglas Adams I thought the Hitchhiker’s Guide was the cleverest and funniest book I’d ever read; rereading it a couple of years back I found it painfully forced and as dry as dust.

97. I once went to a concert with a student of mine – just a couple of years younger than me – and her dad. He kept leaving us alone, to give us space. Given that space wasn’t needed, it was a bit embarrassing. The concert was great, mind. 

98. At Christmas 2004, I think, I received a Christmas card so wonderful that I’ve kept it up ever since. It depicts a Nativity scene, made from sprouts. And I like this, because it’s funny, and because when you’re a Catholic, stuff matters. And sprouts count just as much as wood and wine and water and wardrobes do.

99. I prefer dogs to cats. I’m sorry, but there it is.

100. Despite having loads of family and friends with children, until this year I had never been asked to be a godfather. I’ve now been asked three times. I may joke that it’s like buses, but each time it’s been an honour and a delight. 

101. Few things annoy me quite as much as the ‘Too Long – Didn’t Read’ attitude that seems to define internet argument. It’s a lazy, stupid, and utterly counterproductive way of dealing with people with whom we differ when we’re talking about something that matters. We’re all in this together, one way or another; we should make a serious effort to listen to each other.

That said, it’s an entirely legitimate response to a list of personal trivia.

01 October 2012

Choose Life. Choose Military History. Choose Counting.

A hundred or so years ago, the Prussian Hans Delbrück transformed military history when he sought to show how warfare and politics mirrored each other as social activities. Using his method of Sachkritik, he analysed historical battle narratives in the light of simple physical realities and what was known to have happened in other battles.

I used to enjoy explaining this to my students back in the day. Military history, as a lecturer on the American Civil War had pointed out to me once upon a time, doesn’t make much sense without maps, and as I said to my students, armies aren’t just dots on those maps. They take up space. People just tend not to realise how much space crowds can take up...


The figures of Herodotus, so-called father of history, had long been viewed askance by historians, but it took Delbrück to show just how ropey those figures were. Herodotus claimed that the Persian army that invaded Greece in 480 BC was made up of 2,641,610 soldiers, and an equal number of servants and camp followers. As an exercise, Delbrück imagined how much space such an army would have taken up had it followed the Prussian marching system:
“According to the German order of march, an army corps, that is 30,000 men, occupies about three miles, without the baggage trains. The marching column of the Persians would therefore have been 420 miles long and as the first troops were arriving before Thermopylae the last would have just marched out of Susa on the other side of the Tigris.”
These were German miles rather than the ones we know, and the Persians obviously didn’t march in the Prussian fashion, but still, Delbrück had made his point: Herodotus’ figures were ludicrous.

Delbrück didn’t stop at the soft target that was Herodotus, either; he went on to explain the impossibility of Atilla the Hun easily moving an army larger than the Prussian one of 1870 across an area that at that time lacked decent roads, and to show through issues of food supply how Julius Caesar’s figures for his Gallic opponents had been grotesquely inflated to superb propagandist effect.

When I was doing my master’s degree on Hannibal’s victory at Cannae, I spent an immense amount of time grinding numbers in a way that numbed the brains of my friends when I talked of them. Marching rates. Space per man. Unit depth. Legion width. Quantity of vegetation needed daily to feed an elephant. Close order formation. Open order formation. Manipular replacement. Javelin range. It went on.

All of this stuff may have sounded boring, but it was needed as the nuts and bolts of assembling a thesis on what exactly happened in the biggest and bloodiest battle the Romans ever fought and lost.


Who said this stuff isn't useful?
I’ve moved into a more conceptual area of ancient and military history now, but the whole battle reconstruction thing has given me some habits. On Saturday they came into play. There was a march in Dublin on Saturday, billed as a ‘March for Choice’, with an expected attendance, according to the organisers, of thousands from across the island of Ireland.

It turned out to be rather a damp squib, with a few hundred gathering on O’Connell Street, and accumulating numbers as they made their way over the Liffey towards Kildare Street and round to Merrion Square.



Shortly afterwards, under the headline declaring “Low turnout for pro-choice rally”, the Irish Times reported on the march as follows:
“Less than 1,000 people joined the ‘March for Choice’ in Dublin this afternoon in what had been billed as the first major mobilisation of pro-choice activists ahead of the publication of a major report examining how the Government should deal with the abortion issue.

Organisers had predicted that several thousand people would gather for the march which left the Spire in O’Connell Street at 2pm ahead of a gathering at Merrion Square.

Those behind the march claimed that between in excess of 2,000 people took part howver gardai at the Store St station said that closer to 500 people had showed up for the event.”

This report was at odds with what people associated with the march claimed; the Labour senator Ivana Bacik said on Twitter that 5,000 had attended, and one person who’d acted as a steward on the march wrote on Facebook that she had personally counted 3,200 people, with a Garda she spoke to having said that between 3,000 and 5,000 people had marched. Sinéad Redmond, one of the march organisers, rejoiced at how happy the 5- to 7,000 who she said had marched were.

Graham Linehan, ever the sentinel of the internet, declared on Twitter that “The Irish Times is a ****ing rag”, subsequently saying that Irish Times’ reporting was either prolife propaganda or sheer laziness; not for one moment does he appear to have entertained the possibility that it might have been right.

People connected with the march began appealing for pressure to be put on the Irish Times to change its story, and eventually it did so.


Why exactly did you change your story?
You can read the story of what happened elsewhere, but what’s significant is that after vocal public criticism of the paper, the Irish Times sought a different Garda source to that it had originally contacted and under the headline “Thousands attend pro-choice rally” declared:
“Several thousand people joined the ‘March for Choice’ in Dublin this afternoon in what was billed as the first major mobilisation of pro-choice activists ahead of the publication of a major report examining how the Government should deal with the abortion issue. Organisers had predicted that several thousand people would gather for the march which left the Spire in O’Connell Street at 2pm ahead of a gathering at Merrion Square. Several hundred people gathered for the start of the march, with their numbers swelling by the time it reached St Stephen’s Green.”

The final version of the story was much the same, save for apparently giving the lie to the headline:
“Their numbers swelled to several thousand by the time it reached St Stephen’s Green. The Garda Press Office, which earlier put the number of attendees at about 500, said this evening there ‘may have been in excess of 2,000 people involved’”.

So after repeated phone calls, the Guards shifted from saying that around 500 were involved to a claim that perhaps more than 2,000 participated, and after criticism from irate marchers and their sympathisers, the Irish Times went from reporting that fewer than 1,000 took part to claiming that several thousand marched.

The Journal reports that the Guards said about 2,500 were in the march. Even if true, this hardly merits the adjective ‘several’ the Irish Times is now talking of, it has to be said.


You see, it's all about the Personal Transferable Skills
Now, let’s think about numbers. I know, whether it’s right or not to end the life of another human being isn’t a numbers game, but we’re solely talking about reporting and how numbers can be used to propagandist effect.

As people argued on Saturday afternoon about the numbers attending, a common cry on the pro-choice side was to look at the video, as the video showed that there were thousands of people on the march, not just a few hundred.

It’s worth looking at the video, shot by Darragh Doyle just by the Shelbourne Hotel. It’s difficult to estimate numbers on it from a casual glance, as Darragh pans back and forth several times, giving the impression of a vast throng of people. The video lasts for just over two and a half minutes, and for the first minute and a half the marchers can be heard eagerly chanting – those bringing up the rear just amble along chatting to each other.

With some judicious use of the pause button, it’s easy enough to make a stab at numbers here, even with the extravagant camera movements. Easy, that is, unless you just stare and think “there are loads of people... there must be thousands!”

The marchers were marching in informal rows four, five, six, eight, maybe even ten across on the odd occasion. Most rows, for want of a better word, seem six or seven across. Assume, for the sake of argument, that the typical row is eight across, and then count the people who go by the camera, as though each is the end of a row. You won’t get an accurate figure, but you’ll get a ballpark one, something to give you a fairly decent feel for the size of the crowd. I tried it on Saturday, and made it about eighty rows, before what looked like an uncountable mass at the end. 640 marchers, plus maybe another 150, so. 790 people, allowing for error. How much error could I have made, though?  Could I have undercounted by more than one or two hundred?

I tried again earlier today with a different approach, thinking about how much space those marchers seemed to have covered, and bearing in mind how a friend on the march has said on Saturday that the marchers had been almost the full length of Kildare Street; he reckoned there’d been about 1,500 or so there.

Looking at Google Maps, it seems Kildare Street is about a thousand feet long, so let’s assume my friend was right – allowing for slight exaggeration – and that the march occupied more than three quarters of the street. 800 feet of marchers, so, on a street about 30 feet wide.  This would probably provide room for 960 Roman soldiers, give or take; more could have been fitted in, but only in a very packed formation. I could do the sums, but it’d take us off topic by some way.

The people in the march weren’t packed together. Their deployment, for want of a better word, was nothing like a Roman army in close formation. The rows, however wide, were fairly close together at the start, maybe three feet or so apart, but by the end the marchers – dawdlers in many cases – were well spaced out, some pushing buggies or even cycling! There was no comparison between the relatively close front rows, with their chanting and shouting, and the stragglers at the back, strolling along and having a natter. Given this disparity, it’d have been reckless to have counted, say, all the rows in the front hundred feet of the march and then multiplied it out, as is a fairly standard way of calculating the numbers involved in a march.

Now, in case you’re wondering, I was a teenage Commerce student, doing statistics and economics etc before changing subject and doing something more challenging the following academic year, so am reasonably clued in to how statistics work. I know that when moving crowds need to be counted, professional crowd counters use assigned counters to tally people passing points in given time periods and calculate upwards accordingly – indeed, I’ve had friends who’ve done this – but for a crowd this small that kind of thing is neither worthwhile nor necessary.

After all, during the two-and-a-half minutes’ filming, Darragh saw most of the march go past him; if he’d hung on for another minute, maybe 90 seconds, he’d have seen the last stragglers dawdle by. Four minutes. That’s not worth sampling.

Its clear that there were no such counters present, in any case, and we don’t have high quality aerial footage of the march. We just have several foreshortened shots of the crowd, statements from marchers who – vested interests aside – were in the march and thus not really in a position to observe and count the marchers, widely differing guesses from the Guards, and a YouTube video that doesn’t even try to convey the march size in an accurate sense.

As such, flawed though it is, we can really only go by the YouTube video which shows that the marchers, even in the front ranks, were generally rather more than an arm’s width apart, and that towards the rear of the march the crowd density was a lot thinner than in the van. This wasn’t even a reasonably compact crowd.

Given how the spacing seemed to work, I couldn’t help but think the Roman figure gave a useful guideline for an educated guess. It looked about right, recognising just how spread out the march was. And it wasn’t that far off my first estimate. Again, it was only a ballpark figure, but it was one that suggested that the march probably wasn’t more than a thousand strong.


Or Counting. That’s good too. I learned that in primary school. 
Still, as discussion about this carried on today, I gritted my teeth and decided to count people in the video as best I could. Given the relatively small size of the crowd, this was going to be a manageable task, even if it was bound to be a tedious one.

I worked through the video, pausing and taking screenshots as I went, using banners and distinctive people in the crowd as markers for when I scrolled forward or to be returned to after Darragh had finished his latest bout of panning.

And then I worked through the shots, marking people with red spots. I decided to estimate upwards, such that anything I thought might possibly be a marcher would be counted as such. The handful of pedestrians walking past at a normal speed, rather faster than ‘marching’ pace, had to be discounted, of course.

I made it 850 marchers, more or less. 




Not a thousand. Not two thousand. Not five thousand, Ivana Bacik. Not seven thousand, Sinéad Redmond. Not a lazily non-specific several thousand, Irish Times.

Because even if I undercounted, and I suspect I'll have missed a few at the marker points each time, I didn’t undercount by that much. Don’t believe me? Well, why should you? Please try it yourself. It doesn’t take that long. We shouldn’t even need to have this discussion.

The rights and wrongs of abortion aren’t a matter of numbers, so I don’t see why those involved in Saturday's march have been so determined to exaggerate their numbers so egregiously. Still, if Saturday’s march tells us anything, at the very least it shows us that there’s no great democratic demand for abortion in Ireland.

850. The Irish Times was right the first time.

30 August 2012

Surveying the Faith

Last week Red C Research published the findings of WIN-Gallup’s ‘Global Index of Religions and Atheism’, suggesting that Ireland was abandoning religion faster than almost any other country. The papers weren’t slow to regurgitate claims that whereas 69pc of Irish people were religious in 2005, only 47pc were in 2011. 

That’s not what the poll says, however. Contrary to Red C’s press release, the WIN-Gallup poll doesn’t find that Ireland is one of the least religious countries in the world; it finds that Ireland is one of the countries in which people are most reluctant to describe themselves as religious. This is a very different thing, not least as the word ‘religious’ means different things to different people. 

This was made very clear to me a couple of years ago at an Anglican church in Manchester, where I used to go so I could learn how evangelical friends lived their faith on their own terms, rather than relying on how my fellow Catholics described them. 

The curate spoke at length about how Christians shouldn’t be religious, because religious people are hypocrites. We’re called to love God, not to be religious, he said. Christianity, after all, isn’t a religion: it’s a relationship. 

I agreed with him up to a point. It’s a cliché that Christianity is a relationship rather than a religion, but it’s only a cliché because it’s largely true; the very word ‘Christian’ suggests that. 

Rather than meaning ‘follower of Christ’, it literally means someone who belongs to Christ as a member of his household. Romans 8:14-17 says that we’re brothers and sisters of Christ, God’s children rather than his slaves, and as 1 Corinthians 12:13 says, it’s baptism that adopts us into this family. 

Talking about this in the pub later, some of the regular congregation said they felt that the curate’s core point was sound but that he’d expressed himself poorly. Religious people can be hypocritical, but ‘religion’ shouldn’t be dismissed as mere lip service. 


Methodology
When discussing polls, it pays to look at the question and methodology. Ireland was one of the few countries in which this poll was conducted online; it’s difficult to see why Red C did this, as their website boasts of the accuracy of their telephone polling and warns that online polls are of questionable reliability in Ireland, where the over 55’s are inadequately represented in online panels and at least a third of adults lack internet access.

Red C's press release is adapted from WIN-Gallup's international press release, which conspicuously excludes Irish data from any tables showing how things have changed since 2005. Ireland, which Red C reports has experienced the second-largest decline in religiosity since 2005, is absent from the table of ‘ten countries experiencing notable decline in religiosity since 2005’, and from the two tables showing trends in religiosity and atheism in 39 countries surveyed in both waves.

It’s almost as though WIN-Gallup doesn’t regard the new data on Ireland as comparable with the 2005 data.

Allowing that the poll should be treated with caution, it’s hardly surprising that it found that the number of Irish claiming to be atheists seemingly has risen from 3pc to 10pc since 2005; the 2011 census figures and recent polls should have led us to expect as much. 

I doubt this figure will rise much further without government interference. If graphs in the official census highlights are remotely accurate, those most likely to deny a religious affiliation in Ireland are aged between 25 and 29, and even then only about 9.5pc of those do so. Denial of religious affiliation seems to drop back to 8pc among younger adults. 

Rather than rushing to embrace atheism, it seems Irish people are slipping into an ill-defined quasi-Catholicism, and it’s here that the question’s wording is all-important: “Irrespective of whether you attend a place of worship or not, would you say you are a religious person, not a religious person or a convinced atheist?” 

The number of people willing to describe themselves as religious seems to have plummeted from 69pc to 47pc, whereas those rejecting atheism while saying they’re not religious seems to have risen from 25pc to 44pc. 

It’s difficult to tell what exactly this means, not least because the survey question – which confuses religious practice with atheistic belief – explicitly allows people who attend places of worship to say they don’t consider themselves religious. Red C thus observes that globally, “Most of the shift is not drifting from their faith, but claiming to be ‘not religious’ while remaining within the faith.” 

Judged purely on an Irish basis, this seems a fair judgement. The census found that 84pc of us still claim to be Catholic, even after the horrors of the Ryan and Murphy reports, but it’s clear that many of us have drifted from the teaching and precepts of the Church. 

Only about a third of us attend Mass every week, according to this year’s ACP and Irish Times surveys, while the Irish Times poll seemingly found a widespread rejection of basic Christian doctrines. For example, 15pc of those who’d call themselves Catholics don’t regard Jesus as the son of God, and 62pc believe that the Eucharistic elements merely represent Christ’s body and blood. 

Many who scorn atheism but wouldn’t call themselves religious would be among these; they’d probably consider themselves ‘spiritual’ rather than religious, or say that they have faith but disagree with organised religion. Others, though, would surely be ordinary Catholics, wary of boasting about their faith. 


Connotations
The word ‘religious’ carries uncomfortable connotations for a lot of us. A priest friend of mine once admitted that he found it hard to like a lot of religious people. “Some of the coldest, hardest, most unforgiving people I’ve ever met,” he said, “have been some of the most religious.” 


Outward Practice
‘Religious’, for him, clearly wasn’t a word to be crudely equated with ‘Catholic’ or ‘Christian’. It was, instead, something relating to outward practice rather than inward devotion; he’d found that people could be punctilious about their religious observance while being devoid of a spiritual inner life, or a simple love for other people. 

That’s not to say our external practice and attitudes don’t matter; on the contrary, they play a vital role in expressing and supporting our inner life. As Pope Benedict pointed out last week with reference to St Dominic: “… to kneel, to stand before the Lord, to fix our gaze on the Crucifix, to pause and gather ourselves in silence, is not a secondary act, but helps to us to place ourselves, our whole person, in relation to God.” 


Internal Realities
The problem, alas, is that too often our external and internal realities are at odds. Jesus made this unforgettably clear in his parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector, in directing us to fast, pray, and give alms in secret, and in condemning as pedantic and hypocritical the ostentatious religiosity of the Pharisees. 

Familiar as we are with such admonitions, and increasingly suspicious of public displays of piety, it’s hardly surprising that for many of us the word ‘religious’ is a term we’ve become loath to apply to ourselves. Who wants to be seen as a ‘Holy Joe’, especially nowadays? Who dares to call themselves devout?


-- A version of this appeared in The Irish Catholic, 23 August 2012.